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ELDERLY GAMBLING WOMAN 4/27/2007
An elderly woman walked into the Bank of Canada one morning
with a purse full of money. She wanted to open a savings account
and insisted on talking to the president of the Bank because,
she said, she had a lot of money.
After many lengthy discussions (after all, the
is always right) an employee took the elderly woman to the
president's office.
The president of the Bank asked ...
0 Comments, 40 Views,
2 Votes
,3.12 Score
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Have you registered your man yet? 4/26/2007
Fall Classes for Men at THE LONG PRAIRIE ADULT LEARNING CENTER
REGISTRATION MUST BE COMPLETED by Monday, Oct 30, 2007
NOTE: DUE TO THE COMPLEXITY AND DIFFICULTY LEVEL OF THEIR CONTENTS, CLASS SIZES WILL BE LIMITED TO 8 PARTICIPANTS
MAXIMUM .
Class 1 How To Fill Up The Ice Cube Trays--Step by Step, with Slide
Presentation. Meets 4 weeks, Monday and Wednesday for ...
1 Comments, 56 Views,
3 Votes
,1.96 Score
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A BEER BEFORE IT STARTS 4/25/2007
A BEER BEFORE IT STARTS
A man came home from work, sat down in his favorite chair,
turned on the TV, and said to his wife, "Quick, bring
me a beer before it starts". She looked a little puzzled,
but bought him a beer. When he finished it, he said, "Quick,
bring me another beer. It's going to start."
This time she looked a little angry, but brought him a beer.
When it was gone, ...
1 Comments, 143 Views,
9 Votes
,4.07 Score
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Still lookin' 4/25/2007
Husband and wife in bed together. She feels his hand rubbing her shoulder. She:"Oh that feels good." His hand moves to her breast. She: "Gee, honey that feels wonderful." His hand moves to her leg. She: "Oh, honey, don't stop." But he stops. She: "Why did you stop?" He:"I found the remote."
2 Comments, 168 Views,
5 Votes
,3.14 Score
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Your momma... 4/22/2007
Your mommas pussy is so hairy, when your brother was born
he died of rug burn.
0 Comments, 109 Views,
8 Votes
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Creation of pussy... 4/22/2007
THE CREATION OF THE PUSSY
Seven wise men with knowledge so fine, created a pussy to
their design. First was a butcher, with smart wit, using
a knife, he gave it a slit, Second was a carpenter, strong
and bold, with a hammer and chisel, he gave it a hole, Third
was a tailor, tall and thin, by using red velvet, he lined
it within, Fourth was a hunter, short and stout, with a ...
1 Comments, 155 Views,
9 Votes
,5.14 Score
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An oldie but a goodie... 4/22/2007
An eskimo takes his snowmobile into a garage. The mechanic
has a look and says, 'Looks like you've blown a
seal', to which the eskimo replies, 'No, mate,
it's just frost on my moustache!'
1 Comments, 99 Views,
5 Votes
,2.82 Score
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three person 4/22/2007
there are 3 person (muslim , cristain and hindu) they went
to long jouney in the way they bought some sweats , but sweats
are little bit , they decited together who'll saw a
nice dream tonight than he can eat sweats. and they asleep,
in the morning they awake up first the hindhu said that i
saw a nice dream last night , i saw our kalidhevi came and
she broght me and show me the world. they are ...
0 Comments, 120 Views,
2 Votes
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After the date 4/22/2007
After Chelsea returned from a date, Hillary asked her if
she had a good time.
Chelsea said she had a wonderful time and she thinks she's
in love. Hillary said, "You didn't have sex, did you?"Chelsea
said, "Not according to Dad."
3 Comments, 172 Views,
3 Votes
,4.41 Score
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Golf anyone 4/21/2007
Ed and Dorothy met while on vacation, and Ed fell head over
heels in love with her. On the last night of his vacation,
the two of them went to dinner and had a serious talk about how they
would continue the relationship.
"It's only fair to warn you, I'm a total golf
nut, " Ed said to his lady friend. "I eat, sleep and breathe golf, so
if that's a problem, you'd better say so now." ...
1 Comments, 110 Views,
5 Votes
,2.82 Score
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Jamaican Sandals 4/20/2007
A married couple walked into a tourist shop. The Jamaican
said to them, "I have some special sandals I think
you would be interested in. Dey make you wild at sex."
Well, the wife was really interested in buying the sandals
after what the man claimed, but her husband felt he really
didn't need them, being the sex god he was. The husband
asked the man, "How could sandals make you ...
1 Comments, 169 Views,
10 Votes
,3.58 Score
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Tools 4/20/2007
Tools and their REAL uses. DRILL PRESS: A tall upright machine useful for suddenly
snatching flat metal bar stock out of your hands so that it smacks you in
the chest and flings your beer across the room, splattering it against
that freshly-stained heirloom piece you were drying.
WIRE WHEEL: Cleans paint off bolts and then throws them
somewhere under the workbench with the speed of ...
1 Comments, 85 Views,
4 Votes
,5.57 Score
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The Devil showed up 4/20/2007
A few minutes before weekly services started, the townspeople
were sitting in their pews and talking. Suddenly, Satan appeared at
the front of the church. Everyone started screaming and running for the
front entrance in a frantic effort to get away from evil incarnate.
Soon the church was empty except for one elderly gentleman
who sat calmly in his pew without moving, seemingly ...
0 Comments, 105 Views,
7 Votes
,5.08 Score
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names! 4/19/2007
A guy walked into a bar and asked for a drink, the bartender
said sure i just need the name of your penis, The man said
ok give me a minute. So the man asked another guy at the bar
what the name of his penis was and he said a FORD the guys guy
asked a ford y? Its built tough. OK then he goes to another
guys and asked the name of his penis and the guy said its a
CHEVY. Y a chevy he ...
1 Comments, 226 Views,
9 Votes
,3.43 Score
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Perfect Shot 4/17/2007
Ed stood over his tee shot on the long ninth for what seemed
an eternity. He waggled, looked up, looked down, waggled again, but
didn't start his back swing.
Finally his exasperated partner asked, " What the
hell is taking you so long?"
"My wife, Di is up there watching me from the clubhouse
balcony, " Tom explained. "I wanna make a perfect
shot."
"Oh come on Ed, " his ...
0 Comments, 128 Views,
10 Votes
,3.39 Score
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Religious John 4/16/2007
A man is driving down a deserted stretch of highway when he notices A sign out of the corner of his eye....It reads:
SISTERS OF ST. FRANCIS HOUSE OF 10 MILES
He thinks this is a figment of his imagination and drives on without Second thought.. ..Soon he sees another sign which reads:
SISTERS OF T. FRANCIS HOUSE OF 5 MILES
Suddenly he begins to realize ...
0 Comments, 174 Views,
5 Votes
,1.19 Score
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Psychiatrist phone 4/16/2007
Hello. Welcome to the Psychiatric Hotline
If you are obsessive-compulsive, please press 1 repeatedly.
If you are co-dependent, please ask someone to press 2.
If you have multiple personalities, please press 3, 4,
5, and 6.
If you are paranoid-delusional, we know who you are and
what you want. Just stay on the line so we can trace the call.
If you are ...
0 Comments, 72 Views,
3 Votes
,5.39 Score
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Three Blondes at the Gate 4/15/2007
Three blondes died and found themselves standing before
St. Peter. He told them that before they could enter the
Kingdom of Heaven, they had to tell him what Easter was.
The first blonde said, "Easter is the holiday where
they have a big feast, give thanks and eat turkey."
St. Peter rolled his eyes, said, "Blondes, "
and banished her to Hell.
The second blonde said, "Easter is ...
0 Comments, 79 Views,
4 Votes
,2.86 Score
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LOnger legs 4/15/2007
There was a young man in the air force who was so well endowed
it was causing problems with his knee. Air Force doctors and one Air Force nurse were in the operating
room to remedy the situation. The first doctor said, "We`ll just take a big hunk
off the end." They discussed it and decided that would
affect his sensitivity. The second doctor said, "We`ll just take a big hunk
out of the middle of ...
0 Comments, 209 Views,
12 Votes
,3.86 Score
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4 bells 4/15/2007
Putting out the Fire A man who worked for a fire station came from work one day
and told his wife, "You know, we have a wonderful system
at the fire station. Bell 1 rings and we all put on our jackets. Bell 2 rings and we all slide down the pole. Bell 3 rings and we're ready to go on the trucks. "From now on we're going to run this house the
same way." When I say Bell 1, I want you to strip ...
1 Comments, 155 Views,
17 Votes
,5.67 Score
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Pants and panties 4/15/2007
A typical macho man married the typical good-looking lady.
On there honey moon before they crawled into bed he says
to his wife, "honey I want you to do something for me"
She's thinking oh great he wants it his way, so she says,
"Yes dear what would you like me to do?" He replies,
"I want you to put on my pants" So she thinks for
a minute then she says ok. Well as she goes to pull up the pants ...
0 Comments, 155 Views,
6 Votes
,1.66 Score
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Only in New York 4/15/2007
Only in New York! A depressed young woman was so desperate that she decided
to end her life by throwing herself into the ocean. When
she went to the docks, a handsome young sailor noticed her
tears, took pity on her, and said, "Look, you've
got a lot to live for. I'm off to Europe in the morning;
and if you like, I can stow you away on my ship. I'll take
good care of you and bring you food every ...
0 Comments, 94 Views,
8 Votes
,5.33 Score
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over coffee 4/14/2007
Two guy were having coffee when one said you know I never
had sex with my wife before we were married. Did you? The
other said I don't rightly know what was her maiden
name.
0 Comments, 111 Views,
5 Votes
,2.49 Score
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The Pearly Gates 4/13/2007
An Engineer is standing outside the Pearly Gates. "Sorry, "St.
Peter tells him, but you're in the wrong place."
He snaps his fingers and the engineer finds himself in hell.
Dissatisfied with the level of comfort there, the engineer
starts making improvements. One day, God phones Satan
to ask how things are going. "Great, " he answers.
"We've got central air and escalators now. There's
no ...
0 Comments, 80 Views,
4 Votes
,4.80 Score
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Football 3 4/13/2007
How many college football players does it take to change
a light bulb? The entire team. And they each get a semester's
credit for it.
0 Comments, 47 Views,
2 Votes
,3.12 Score
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Football 2 4/13/2007
Why did the football coach go to the bank? To get his quarterback.
0 Comments, 43 Views,
2 Votes
,3.81 Score
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Football 1 4/13/2007
How do you keep cool at a football game? Stand next to a fan.
0 Comments, 35 Views,
2 Votes
,3.81 Score
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Words 4/13/2007
Teacher: There are two words I don't allow in my class.
One is gross, and the other is cool. Johnny: So, what are
the words?
0 Comments, 67 Views,
1 Votes
,3.70 Score
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Bull Pill 4/13/2007
A farmer in Culpeper, VA went to the local branch of Wachovia
Bank to borrow money for a new bull. The loan was made and Banker
Bill, who lent the money, came by a week later to see how the bull was doing.
The farmer complained that the bull just ate grass and wouldn't
even look at a cow. Banker Bill suggested that he have a veterinarian
take a look at the bull.
Next ...
0 Comments, 93 Views,
2 Votes
,3.81 Score
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2029 Headlines! 4/13/2007
*Ozone created by electric cars now killing millions in
the seventh largest country in the world, Mexifornia,
formerly known as California. White minorities still
trying to have English recognized as Mexifornia's
third language.
*Spotted Owl plague threatens northwestern United States
crops and livestock.
*Baby conceived naturally. Scientists stumped.
*Couple ...
0 Comments, 49 Views,
4 Votes
,2.47 Score
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