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My travels to a new beginning
If you don't laugh you'll cry
Posted:Jan 5, 2021 8:17 pm
Last Updated:Jan 12, 2021 6:19 am

Today was a really weird day. I was out to do some shopping, but first I was taking some me time. After standing in line for a cup of coffee, I lowered my mask to take a drin When I did a woman approached and handed a note. The note asked if I was so and so from AdultFriendFinder. I acknowledge that I was and she lowered her mask for a moment. I recognized her, though I had not had any interaction with her on the site. She said that she had seen me without my mask and recognized me when I had gotten out of my car. Here was a big surprise, someone just recognizing me just from my picture on a website. Who would think that could happen. With our coffee we went a table out of the way and started comparing notes, what we wanted and if there was a chemistry between us. We decided go someplace where we could have more fun.

We ended up at at local motel and started learn more about each other. Kissing and feeling our bodies pressing together. As we sat on the bed, clothes started to slowly come off. First shoes then shirts and bra, which allowed me to attention her breasts. Oh, they were so nice and firm, she really did not need a bra. sliding her pants down I found that she wore skimpy panties. I slid them aside and kissed her pussy. The sweet aroma hit my nostrils like a hammer. I wanted more and as my tongue parted her lips I felt I was in heaven. She was so good, the smell was heady and the taste brought back memories that I had not tasted in many . I buried my face into her pussy and started licking the length of her sex. My tongue entered her and she arched her back and moaned. I felt her fingers grab handfuls of my hair and she pulled my face tighter to her pussy.

I slid my tongue up and across her clit and felt a vibration course across her body. As I concentrated on her clit, I slid a finger into her and started sliding in and out like I hoped my cock would later do. Not content to please her with one finger I added more and her moans and groans increased. I thought "Man, it will feel so good fuck this woman." My fingers made small in and out motions, I found her g-spot and I could feel her pleasure building an orgasm. She pulled tighter, legs clamped my head so I could not escape. The her orgasm was a rush, hands pulling and pushing, legs clamped tight, back arching and moans getting louder and louder. She started saying yes, Yes, YES. YEEEESSSSS. My face is now covered with her juices, the taste was sweeter than I remembered.

As she relaxed, she still had her fingers in my hair and she pulled me up kiss her. As we kissed she put her hand on the crotch of my jeans and started caressing my crotch. She started kissing down my chest and across my stomach, stopping to concentrate on removing the belt and opening my jeans. Kneeling next to the bed she pulled down my pants, as she pulled she kept her eye on my crotch. Seeing concern on her face, she reached up and pulled down my shorts. As my shorts cleared my crotch the look of concern changed to a look of surprise. She jumped up and screamed "You have got to be fucking kidding me." Quickly she started putting her clothes back on. Looking at me with contempt, she spat "You think you are going to fuck me with that? That tiny, little cock that won't hardly fill me? You are a fucking joke." She finished dressing and stormed out.

I was stunned. Never have I been humiliated like that in my life about anything let alone about my cock. Of course I have only been with one woman in my life. I went into the bathroom and washed my face trying to calm down. I dressed and left the room. It least the room was paid for and I did not need to return to the office to check out. My thoughts were in an uproar, she got what she wanted and I really got nothing. At first I was angry, not only did she get to have an orgasm, I did not get to stick my cock into her pussy. Then I remembered an old saying "It is not how big it is but how you use it." I then laughed, she judged so quickly she never found out if I could please her, other than with my tongue.

Well I got to do more than I thought when I started today. To this is a new adventure. I guess getting ridiculed is just the price you pay in this world. In a world where I did not know that you could have sex so easy.
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Anger at Christmas
Posted:Dec 25, 2020 11:24 pm
Last Updated:Dec 27, 2020 6:41 am

Today is Christmas and I just returned from taking my home. We had a nice dinner and present exchange. There were some tense moments between my wife and I and also between my wife and our .

Because of the tension I am angry, Yes, I am damn angry that I am losing and in many ways have already lost my wife of 49 years .

I think I may have mentioned that my wife is bi-polar. I knew that she had some mental health issues when we married, but still we married. Sex to my wife was an obligation, something to be endured, unless she was in one of those rare manic states were she wanted and enjoyed sex. After our was born and we survived two miscarriages and finally a hysterectomy she began losing complete interest in sex and started to sleep on the couch and when our moved out on her own she moved into her bedroom.

During the past couple of years she has been becoming increasingly hard to live with. She is becoming more like her mother every day, forgetting, argumentative and combative. Her mom died with dementia. I feel that my wife is also developing dementia.

We got into a fight the other night and I finally told her that I was curious and I am looking for either men or women to have an affair with. She told me she knew that something was afoot and that she supports me in this journey, wherever it takes me, even if it is with another woman. She is not crazy about the idea of a woman but she said that she would support me as much as she can.

The next morning she had forgotten most of what we had fought about and the fact that I may be a Bisexual. If you think I am angry, your damn right I am angry. Angry that my wife is going further from me. Angry that I will at some point I must place her in a place where she can be cared for better.

Recently on this site I got angry with a woman because she would not communicate in more than two word replies, that were routinely snarky, nasty, snide or down right rude. She got angry, to be expected, and wanted to know why I was so angry? I told her about the issues above. Her comment was "You have an anger problem and you need help". Really? There was no empathy or compassion whatsoever. What kind of woman or person does that?
A Slight Detour
Posted:Dec 23, 2020 6:02 pm
Last Updated:Dec 23, 2020 11:59 pm

Yesterday I wrote that I was going meet a man who I called a friend and get know him better. We were going start with a back rub and see how things went from there. Well this was just another part of the journey that did not go as planned. He wrote a message this morning canceling our meeting and telling me that he is HIV POS, and that he could not meet with me because of it. He said that he had given me every opportunity ask if he was and I did not.

I decided that I was not going accept this cancelation, but would keep the time we were meet. I showed and found that he was IM and and I started talking with him, and I finally convinced him walk with get a cup of coffee. It was a good walk, we walked along the promenade while we drank our coffee. I think he knows that I am not going ask him go someplace he does not want go. He does not want be the one that passes the virus on, nor would I want him feel responsible if I should contract the virus.

I went on a short detour on my journey and in doing so I found a relationship, but I am back on the road again and will now need to find someone to guide me to the place where this road leads. We talked about our growing , he in Southern California and here in Portland. He has been here for about years and was fascinated in the history that I was able to remember from my youth. We agreed to continue seeing each other and build upon this friendship for as long as we can. I was at first disappointed that things were not going to go as planned, but I made a friend in the process.
Looking Forward
Posted:Dec 22, 2020 5:43 am
Last Updated:Dec 23, 2020 5:59 am

Last tonight something happened that I knew was coming. I scheduled a time to meet someone, who I really enjoy talking with. He is funny, satirical and, I hope, just plain fun to be with. Now, how he is in person is a different kettle of fish. I am meeting him tomorrow for a back rub and I am excited. Excited to feel his hands on my back working the knots out of my muscles. Allowing the stresses to flow out of me and through him to be dispersed. At first I was hesident to approach him, even though he had suggested it many times, without feeling the pressure I have felt from others.

Those of you, who have been reading this blog, have watched me endure the frustrations and joys of my journey. It has not been an easy road to travel, with steep hills, hairpin curves and the many potholes that make maneuvering the course so much more difficult. But he is showing me how to become a better driver on this most difficult of roads. To some it may seem like it has been a very short journey from the time I started writing this blog to the present, which it has, but let me assure you that this decision has been several years in the making.

I am starting to feel relief, knowing that there is more to this life than what I have been living. Will I leave my wife? I do not think so. After 49 years of marriage why would I leave the love and support we have for each other. Over all those years we have shared the joy of birth and the agony of two miscarriages and a hysterectomy. Marriage, as many of you know, is not easy and it takes work, hard day by day grinding it out work. My wife may not fulfill a certain part of my life any longer, but she is still my rock of support and love.
The Learning Curve is Steep
Posted:Dec 21, 2020 3:12 pm
Last Updated:Dec 21, 2020 3:15 pm

Yesterday morning I was talking to someone with whom I have been talking with for awhile. After about an hour I told him that I needed to go and would contact him later in the day. He came back with something about my being his lover. First I have never meet him or even seen a picture of him. I told him that right now I was uncomfortable with being called his lover, but it may change, who knows. When I went back later it was not my friend who answered, but a person who I assumed to be his wife. I told her that if he was busy talking to someone else I would come back later to talk with him.

She proceeded to ask if I had been talking to my friend for awhile and I told her I had. After a long break she came back, said that I had a nice profile, and informed me that they were not free during the day. To which I acknowledged and she ended the IM. He had told me that he had not talked with his wife about me. Even though they are both bisexuals and they have played with other people together, she had played with others separately with his knowledge. After that exchange neither one came back online or to IM.

I beleive he must have been pissed that I said that I was uncomfortable with being called his lover at this time. He then set me up to be confronted by another person, who I assume was his wife. They have not been back on since then.

Is he a coward, was his pride hurt from what I said? Who knows. The one thing I do know is that he was so cowardly that he had to have a woman do for him what he did not have the balls to do for himself. Will I talk with him again? Probably not, why acknowledge someone who doesn't have the guts to to do it on his own. Oh well, we will see what happens from here.
What has happened
Posted:Dec 13, 2020 9:21 am
Last Updated:Dec 14, 2020 8:38 pm

Very early this morning (12-1 am) and again later (6-7 am) I had a chat with two men. The first one is a bi-sexual man and the second a straight man who it seems to be at the least bi-curious. I first want to thank them for taking the time to talk with me. It really has been a help to see that my feet are really on solid ground. That my fears are not unfounded but not uncommon and not to allow those fears to take over and prevent me from proceeding. Thank you both.

They described for me what they went through and how it felt. The support or the absence of support they received. The first was supported and encouraged by his wife. The other had to go it on his own. I did not feel that either one had an easy time of transitioning to their present position, but both felt it was worth the journey.

I described to them my feelings and how my fears were slowing me down. They listened and assured me that everything I was feeling was normal and to take my time. Without actually saying it, in their message, there was nothing worth taking short cuts.

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If you don't laugh you'll cry (1)Gforce1040
Jan 9, 2021 5:03 pm